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new year, new start

if i can't bring you into my world
i hope i can become part of yours.

when i appear in front of you
will you welcome me with open arms?

ef ~ a tale of memories ~

i am drinking coffee

this is not a good thing but i can't seem to stop wanting to chew on something
trying to fill the void with food and drink doesn't work =[
and it's bad when i'm eating stuff that's bad for me too =o
or well not exactly good for me hehehe..

no matter what..
you are my current addiction =p

ahahahaha jami =o
or jamie..
or jamiee?
it has the word ami in it which means friend in french
and it's also a jumble for j'aime which means i love
oh and there is also jaime i guess.. could also be pronouced that way
but ja-mi is sequential teehee

ahahahaha silli mii bakaaaa

ha la la la roflmaololskate

interesting nekoemote for hungry =]

what are my nine crimes

i really don't know who i am anymore


bad does turn to worse..
must be the weather

what the fuck am i doing


i think that i'm a horrible person

i think that.. i need to disappear

i don't want to exist

i don't want to be here

i don't want to be anywhere

without you

without someone like you

i don't exist without you

i'm a liar, i'm a fool

i need a haircut

i don't know anything for sure anymore

broken and hurt and confused and unwell
i don't know who i am anymore

i feel like i've stopped trying to better myself
and other people are passing me by

"sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
but in the end the race is with yourself."

if there's a reasonable upside to getting facebook



i really see how it can be addictive tho
to be.. honest..? or.. somewhat true.. or smthnig
i have no idea

to get facebook
i just spent like 2 hours on it doing absolutely nothing

and i think
i'd have
way too many friends..
it would be awkward
knew someone else
and like

i dont' know..
too big of a distraction

i need
i'm not sure..
i just want someone


centre self

the more ppl i meet
the more unsure i am of who i'm supposed to be

i just.. don't like to clash i guess
don't like to expose who i really am in an environment that wouldn't appreciate it anyways


here we are now with the falling sky and the rain
we're awakening
here we are now with the desperate youth and pain
we're awakening

centre stage

i don't really.. care? or just.. don't take the time
to care about other ppl's lives? or idk
it'd be a welcome distraction to my own problems
which are really problems i make up for myself
i'm not sure.
i don't really know.
maybe i'm just tired right now..

Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

little random late night tidbit thought

no offence meant by any of this..
just random thoughts

make my own happyness
make myself happy?

i've been selfish enough as it is
i would rather make someone else's happyness
and have them want to make me mine
make each other happy
make each other
one another's
belonging to another

am i asking for too much
and not asking enough of myself

i can't wait for sunday
knight on bike
yellow fellow

i see your face in my mind's eye
it's all i need to get me by
difficult times, difficult binds.

i see you smiling back at me
but do you, could you ever see
the love i feel for you;
do you feel a thing for me?
could there be an 'us', a 'we'?

love's last hope
my first dream
lifetime, longing
enough waiting


hopeless love i wish you knew

hope is hanging on a bathroom hook..
hope is hanging on the back on my bathroom door..
i'm hanging my hopes on you..
i am waiting and hoping and thinking that you are want i want..
feels like i've missed you my entire life..
from living in the same area..
to going to different private schools..
to going to close universities..
and finally to working in the same place..
i feel like i've seen you before..
i feel like i've loved you before..
i feel like i want to be with you.

but i don't even know you yet.
and you don't know me.
but i really want to get you to know me.


damn i'm desperate.. =__=.. sigh.. need love.. need to be loved.. need to love.. love love love

"do you know.. the.. muffin man?"
"the muffin man?"
"the muffin man!"
"Yes! I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?"
"Well.. she's married to the muffin man."
"The muffin man?"
"The muffin man!!!!"


maybe it's that time again.. pms.. idk anymore.

i feel a sudden rush to be in a relationship
i feel a sudden urge to fall in love
i want my life to be like those dramas i watch
the shy girl who has romantic, fateful adventures happen to her
the one that goes after the impossible mate
the one that is found by the perfect match

i feel like i'm running out of time
i feel like if i don't start something..
i'll never be able to melt the ice
because stone doesn't melt away.
i feel like i need to feel something before it's too late.

sigh.. so then.. currently watching mars, iswak, 1litre, liar game.
still to watch many many more.

still need a job gaaah..
sigh.. i'll work on that later =|

leave some written trace of my memories.

starting with the last-ish silly update

may 3
had the kostuch 20/20 conference orientation
came home and blah..
went downtown to meet up with lp
was supposed to chill, ended up walking around eatons

may 4
chiconference orientation
choir dress rehersal

may 5
choir performance

may 8 + 9
chiconference reception and conference

may 10
lloyd's birthday, got hammered
i got really annoyed with his repeatative questions
i met william again, peter, ganwen, mike, jessica, guy who puked, korean guy
overall ok night

may 11
went out with mom and dad to get flowers and herb garden
lloyd called in the middle, didn't remember some stuff haha
came home and planted and stuff

may 12
mom's birthday =) oh dear.. what did we do?

may 14
kostuch 20/20 conference

may 15
elizabeth's birthday

may 18
watched disturbia with jan eric
bbt with kev and darrien
got home at 3am hahaha

may 19
richard frikkin birthday
woke up around 10:30 to bake
left home around 4
davisville, distillery, old spaghetti factory
got on the sheppard bus to go to jan's
watched a bit of hot fuzz and then 28dayslater
they grilled burgers and burnt hotdogs
waited like 2 hours for the lasagna
kevin brought his wii and we played some
failed at darts haha had like 3 beers
got home around 5 =0 hehe..

may 20
got woken up by mom around 12
went shopping at vaughan mills
found out that my grandfather passed away
day continues rather horribly
had to eat some random dinner at fantasia
really good shrimp, fish and stuff tho

may 21
tennis with artur, kshusha and bf
dinner with estranged distant relative

may 23
korean lunch with mom and dad
got home to a missed call from kev
then went out and 'ate' with eric and kev
also checked the times at fmp
then went to pmall for 'bbt' and met up with phil and edward
then left pmall for the movie with just phil
watched shrek 3 with eric phil kevin
danced around afterwards
bought my PIRATES ticket and also bought phils

sigh.. yay almost time for pirates
happy sad it's all relative